How are you feeling? Before racing to “I’m fine”, press pause for a moment so you can reflect on the sensations within your body. Are your muscles feeling tense or relaxed? Do you have any recurring pain? What’s been occupying your mind? Are you preoccupied with ruminations or physical sensations that are disconnecting you from being fully present in your life and relationships?
These are the questions that Kai (he/him), from Polysoma in Goodwood’s GoodHub, wants us to explore and freely express without fear of judgment so we can feel connected to our authentic selves.
Kai is a counsellor and psychotherapist who adopts a holistic wellness approach that embraces the intertwining nature of our physical, emotional and spiritual selves. He offers an alternative, compassionate and comprehensive approach, recognising that imbalances in one sphere can destabilise and trigger symptoms in other spheres of our body, mind and soul. Many issues can be improved or resolved by re-establishing a harmonious and healing balance.
More specifically, Kai “…works somatically with the body because I don’t believe everything is fixated in the mind. I specialise in the intersection of pain, trauma and sexuality. I also provide general counselling and psychotherapy. It doesn’t matter if it’s anxiety, depression, or anything else that’s holding you back from enjoying your life.”
Somatic methods enable the therapist and client to work with both the body and the mind, expanding the scope of modalities beyond just purely “talking”. Incorporating a sense of bodily awareness can help us recognise that psychological issues often manifest physically.
As a therapist, Kai finds that by working somatically, he can “… start to understand the body’s responses and work through those bodily responses or experiences. For some clients, this can be a very powerful tool, especially if they’ve never been able to feel. We can then start to move towards healing, growth and eventually recovery.”
We often suffer unnecessarily for years because we’ve never permitted ourselves to express the feelings we weren’t able or allowed to feel at another point in time. It’s only when we allow those feelings to be felt that we can start to come from a place of healing and, eventually, recovery.
“When you’ve got emotional pain or physical pain, there’s going to be a flow-on into many areas of your life, including your sex life. It could be trauma from your childhood, flowing through to your adult years. It all just mingles, one thing affecting the other, with consequences from past events expressing themselves in ways that we haven’t realised until we explore these together. I am here to walk beside you in a space of care and acceptance. You can say exactly what you’re thinking or feeling without fear of judgement.”
The accessible and inclusive space Kai speaks of is not just the psychological space for the free expression of emotional and physical sensations. It’s also the beautiful, serene, comfortable lounge he’s created within the GoodHub found in Goodwood. Kai describes it as a “re-imagined mind-body health sanctuary.” His deep understanding of the effect of light, colour, texture, aroma and sound has resulted in a cocoon of tranquillity that reflects his calm, steady and warm personality.
“I want everyone who entrusts me to know and feel that this is a safe space, full of empathy and warmth. You can sit here and tell me anything, from life’s ups, downs and curveballs to deeply challenging sexual problems and I won’t bat an eyelid. It’s going to be a journey. No matter what you’re experiencing, what you’re going through, whether it’s pain, a sexual problem, or trauma that’s holding you back from being present in your life. How you are feeling matters. You matter!”
“I will work with you at your own pace. I won’t force you to talk about something you’re not ready to delve into. I’ll just be here, walking alongside you, moving through your thoughts, feelings, and physicality for as long as you want or need. The trust required to release your burdens takes a while to build, and when I’ve earned that (because I have to gain your trust, not the other way around), I’ll be here, still here walking beside you”.
When asked how he defines trauma, Kai clarified that while it is commonly associated with huge, life-changing events, such as a physical or mental injury, divorce, or a gross violation of our body, it can also snowball from a past event that seemed insignificant at the time, growing into an issue that’s gradually taking over our lives.
Family problems, a moment of shame in the schoolyard, years of gas-lighting, a rejection from someone we trusted. Without realising it, our bodies start to express the trauma in ways we haven’t connected, but we somehow know that something is going on within us that surpasses simple medical explanations.
Kai elaborated, “I think many of us walk around disembodied and not able to consume the full sense of everything, which is often a result of trauma. We could be disassociating from life and feelings, unintentionally denying ourselves the sensations of sexual pleasure, which are so important in re-establishing the embodiment of our very beings.”
Beyond discussion, Kai often uses somatic sexology, working with the body to determine and help clients heal from sexual conditions in compliance with his professional and personal ethics, values and supervision. It might involve breath work and movement, as well as sensory components of touch, sight, sound and taste (these being the somatic components of such work). Of course, there may also be a medical element, and he will also work with clients to understand that.
So, when do we know that we’re living too much in our minds and would benefit from entrusting a qualified well-being specialist to help us unravel the cause of our issues?
Kai suggested, “When you find yourself questioning your current situation: ‘Why am I always stressed? Why am I feeling anxious? Why am I tired? Why is my body not able to relax? Why do I feel on edge? Why am I always overwhelmed? Why do I get angry suddenly and so quickly? Why the ongoing pain?’ The list of questions and concerns we have is endless.”
“It’s when you’re having these repeated conversations with yourself that you should also start questioning, ‘Why am I asking myself this? Do I need to go and see someone and talk to someone about it? And is there a person that I can do that with safely, professionally, and comfortably, too?’ This is what we call the pre-contemplative stage of seeking therapy”.
While society focuses heavily on sexual expression as a vital component of a happy and fulfilled life, it has also established a myriad of contradictory and complex cultural beliefs, stereotypes, and taboos that result in many among us feeling too ashamed or fearful to discuss our issues with our partners or friends.
To what extent does shame or stigma play into our fear of criticism and rejection, holding us back from seeking the support we require to alleviate the detrimental impact of our concerns on our mental and physical health?
Kai replied, “…shame and stigma are huge barriers to seeking support. Absolutely huge. Especially when it comes to trauma and sexual concerns. Feeling alone and embarrassed can go on for a long time, preventing someone from seeking help from a professional like me. Often they’re feeling alone and unable to express their troubles in social situations. Or, closer to home, they fear they’re going to be rejected by their partner, family or friends. My role is to normalise these feelings and help them overcome the enormous weight of shame and stigma. It’s vital for them to know that that judgement, shame and stigma just don’t exist in my space.”
Kai knows this sensation all too well, having confronted, worked through, and healed from his own intersections of trauma and pain, eventually realising that “… I am one of those people who needs to transform my own recovery and do something productive for others, and one of those ways is to help people overcome their trauma through the counselling and somatic sexology that has been profound for me.”
Through his own experience, Kai seeks to teach others to listen to their bodies because they speak to us every moment of every day, telling us what’s happening in our minds and relationships. We cannot change our feelings or remove our pain until we acknowledge them and confront the ‘what, why, and how’ of their existence.
In seeking to avoid dealing with our feelings or purely focussing on the pain, we often make life choices that are ultimately more detrimental to us and our relationships. We often choose to stagnate, embedding the pain deeper into the core of our being, or to run away from the situation or relationships we’ve mistakenly attributed as the source of our angst.
Kai presents the middle ground: a safe, nonjudgmental, empathetic, and warm space where you can be your authentic self, laying bare all you have been hiding from yourself and others. You can remove the mask, put down your shield, and exhale before rebuilding a sense of self, one worthy of pleasure and joy.
Seeking support from a qualified and experienced professional like Kai not only alleviates emotional and physical pain, but it can also save our relationships with those we treasure, the most important of which is ourselves.
To learn more about Polysoma’s professional services or book an appointment with Kai, please refer to the details below:
All you need to know about Polysoma
What: Polysoma Psychotherapy and Counselling
Therapist: Kai (He/Him) | Psychotherapist & Counsellor | B.Clin.Prac, M.Couns
Provides: Holistic counselling and psychotherapy for a broad range of life issues, specialising in trauma-informed care, pain and sexual wellness.
Weblinks: Polysoma | Polysoma FAQ | Learn more about Kai | Explore the Polysoma Lounge
Socials (no DMs): Instagram | Linktr.ee
Appointments: Make a Booking (in person or Virtual/Telehealth available)
Where: GoodHub – Consult Room 1
98-100 Goodwood Rd, Goodwood, SA, 5034
Please note:
* Polysoma is not a crisis service: If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please connect with Lifeline on 13 11 14, or text Lifeline on 0477 13 11 14. If your emergency is life-threatening call 000.
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