Last weekend saw the opening of the Adelaide Fringe Festival.
Unfortunately, I could not be there to see the explosion of colour and people lining up to get into the Garden this year, the Royal Croquet Club packed to the brim with people and annual migration of flyer-ers to Rundle Mall. No, instead I was preparing for a school camp with 25 pre-teens.
While my Facebook and Twitter lit up with helpful tips for parking, parade starting times and reviews of shows that have already opened, I was trying to find that sleeping bag that I bought seven years ago just in case I was ever forced to go camping again. Coincidentally I eventually found it next to that pair of running shoes I bought just in case I was ever forced to catch a ball again.
Not wanting to the look like a desperate loser that was sitting hitting the refresh button and ‘liking’ every little picture of an artist tweeting some version of ‘IT’S OPENING NIGHT!’ in an attempt to be a part of the fun, I did what any self-respecting person who has been callously left out should do in this situation: I poured another glass of white wine, binge watched some Will and Grace, tried on my wedding dress, cried when it didn’t fit, ate some raw cookie dough, cried in regret for eating the raw cookie dough, did some selfies in the bathroom and posted them to pretend I was just setting off to some kind of fabulous party, watched some YouTube hair tutorials, tried them, cried when they didn’t work, found some left over cookie dough, and ate it while all the while screaming “YOU’RE NOT GETTING TO ME!”
Rehearsals are going great guns.
The neighbours seem to be on board with the loud obnoxious singing now, or at least they’ve not called the police in two days, which I am chalking up as tacit permission. I am putting the final touches on my Rundle Mall appearance – those 10 minutes of utmost importance where I stop traffic with a witty, tantalising taste of my show. I was hoping to get out my leopard print unitard but after an unfortunate, unforeseeable accident during one of my bump in training runs (see last week’s blog) I don’t think I’ll be able to patch up the holes from the spot fires. That’s also when the calls to the police started, come to think of it.
Just over two weeks until I am in you Adelaide!
Please do not have any more fun until I get there.
Ruth Wilkin is an award-winning cabaret performer and writer, bringing her self-deprecating and witty comedy to Adelaide with TRIBUTE: The Story of [INSERT CELEBRITY]’s Rise to Fame at the Tuxedo Cat from Mar 3 – 14 at 9:45pm.